The Marauders And WalMart
by Celestial Chick
Summary: One beautiful day, James and Sirius find Remus looking in the lingerie department of Wal-Mart. Set in their 6th year. Its a really funny story, please read and Review! Ch 8 now up!
1. Remy and the Lingerie

Title: The Marauders and Wal-Mart.

Rating: PG, don't try this at home. I did some of this with my friend and got thrown out…

Summary: One day Sirius and James spot Remus wandering astray at Wal-Mart, and decide to get the best of him. This is a rather funny story of the young marauders running amuck at their local convenience store. I am trying different POVs, and this one is done in James. Please R/R and lemme know what ya think!

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It was a typical summer day for padfoot and me. Or, at least that is how it started. My boring mum decided to drag us to Wal-Mart, because she needed some muggle supplies *coughtampaxcough* She thought it would be a good idea for us to do something other than sit on our arses all day. We both thought that this would be a very boring trip, being forced to wander up the millions of isles filled with useless muggle shit. When we got to, er, that isle, we thought we would die of sheer humiliation, which would have been better than being caught in this isle with mum. Speaking of being caught…

"James isn't that Moony over there?" Sirius pointed to a boy with light brown hair and blue eyes. Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! That is indeed Remus. Probably wandered away from his mum here as well, and honestly, who could blame him? I nodded in silence. I was just about to shout out hi, but Sirius covered my mouth and dragged me out of Remy's earshot.

"We have the advantage, there is two of us, and one of him!" said Sirius. I replied to his comment with "Thank you Mr. Obvious. I bet you get top marks in Arithmancy…" Well it was true. He gave me a look and said, "That's not what I mean you prat. We are in a store full of muggle toys and stuff. Can you say prank?"

"In six languages…" I replied, earning me a swift kick in the shins. I yelped loudly before saying, "Ok, ok. That is a good idea. Now we have to loose mum, and we will be home free." That did not turn out too hard. She was preoccupied. (Should I get super or super plus…?) We made a run for the nearest isle, right behind Moony.

"Well what do you have in mind, oh high and mighty Sirius?" I asked sarcastically. I could tell by the mischievous smile across his face that he had a plan. He told me all about how we should be like James Bond. I worked out the details for that, as everyone at Hogwarts knows that I something of a Bond Fanatic. I figured out that we should follow him around for a bit, creeping behind him to see what he is up to… Maybe embarrass him. Then, when the timing is just right, we would ambush him. Sirius asked "With…?" He seemed to forget that things surrounded us.    Sirius and I saw him begin to turn around, and we had to summersault away into the next isle to avoid being seen. "That was close!" I exclaimed and he nodded, trying to catch his breath. This type of behavior earned us a look from a shelf stocker, as well as a few of the surrounding muggles, but this was too much fun. "Is anyone looking?" asked Sirius. I didn't have the slightest clue why he wanted to know if anyone was around, but I just answered him with "No, no one in this isle, why?" He peered around the corners just to make sure that no one was coming, and he pulled out his wand from his muggle pants. "Accio sunglasses!"  Chanted Sirius. Two pairs of dark black sunglasses came. Then I joined in on the fun.

I realized that there were no guns at Wal-Mart, so I had to do the next closes thing. I pulled out my wand, and muttered "Accio cap-guns!" And with that, two small, black, pistol-shaped cap guns came floating towards us. We put on the sunglasses and held the guns in our right hands, then began to follow Remus around.

Remus was up and down the candy isles, stocking up on his muggle sweets it seems. He shoved a bunch of Hershey's Bars into one of those small basket things. "Figures…" I muttered. Moony here is a huge chocoholic; there is no denying it. Sirius started sniggering, and accidentally set his cap gun off with a loud bang.         Several people ducked, apparently mistaking that fire for a real gun. Remus was too keen to fall for that, and could tell the sound apart from the real thing. He whisked around to see who set the blasted thing off. I punched Sirius in the ribs as we made a run for it. If he wasn't such an idiot sometimes I wonder where I would be.

"Nice going you idiot," I said as we were pressing ourselves up against a shelf of china as Moony walked passed. Sirius just looked at me with that pathetic dogface he gives, and I rolled my eyes. As we stepped off of the wall when he past, we both knocked over some of the china. Shit! No one was around, so we just started humming some music like we didn't do anything, and then we turned the corner.

What Sirius and I saw Moony doing next would be good enough to use as blackmail for a lifetime. Moony headed the corner into the pajama department, us following behind him. We decided that it was way too open to just be walking right behind him.  Padfoot and I jumped behind a wall of jeans, peering around the corner at our friend.

"He's not looking at…" "No way, it can't be…" but it is! Remus is examining the women's lingerie! OH, this is all time! If only there was a way to get this all on camera, that would be the ultimate blackmailing tool. Obviously, Sirius was thinking the exact same thing, because he looked around the corners and pulled out his wand."

"Accio, camera!" he shouted. Perfect. But wait a second; you need film to take a picture right? I chanted "Accio film!" and the two objects floated towards us. I quickly unwrapped the film, and Sirius jammed it into the camera, and held it up to where Moony was, being careful not to be seen. He was waiting for the perfect moment to snap.

It was perfect, he was holding up a bra, which looked about the size of a DD. Oh, priceless! Sirius obviously thought the same thing, because he hit the flash button. Just as he held it up to him chest, we yelled "Smile Moony!" and snapped a picture. We made a run for it; hopefully fast enough he wouldn't see us.

"Padfoot! Prongs!" he yelled in all fury as he began to chase us up and down the isles of the local convenience store.

Chapter Two: Revenge coming if enough people R/R!  
  



	2. The Bicycle Battle

Chapter 2: The Bicycle Battle 

Rating: PG still. Some of this stuff I have done, and I wouldn't recommend trying all of it. 

Summary/Notes: Thank you my wonderful reviewers. 6 in two days is a lot for me because my last one didn't get 6 all week. Well, what they find in the back room causes Remus to put off his revenge plots for a while, but he will get them back. I hope you guys like this chapter as much as the last one, it was kind of rushed out. I will try to write messages to people who review because I enjoy hearing what people have to say, good or bad.

Jay Kamiya - I bet you would be a very interesting person to meet then. I was thinking of what I did when I wrote it. Of course it wasn't all the same as I wasn't a wizard, but the basic concept matches. 

Jayjay6000 - Well, I updated as fast as I could!

Sirius the homicidal maniac – Yes, it would be a little gross, but you will find out why he was doing it later on. And if you think that is gross, you should hear the ending. I haven't typed it but I have a mental image.

Mwpp-lover – Thanks, and it only just started too…

Evilpip – I'm glad you liked that line, thanks! I hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly when falling off of the chair, lol.

Grlangel – Thanks! It is fun to make people laugh.

Padfootprankster13 – I was originally gonna have moony and padfoot wandering up the isles, then I thought how funny it would be to have Moony caught doing something

Badangel00013 – Thanks, glad you like. With all that goes on in this world today, a little humor is a must.

Muggle77 – Well, I have indeed decided to continue it, and I am glad you think it is funny.

CallieAnne – Glad you thought it was priceless. I never got so many good reviews for anything before!

HArRy-PoTtEr-FaNiTiC – Thanks, I was trying to get people to laugh, and it really helps to pull things out of your own experiences. 

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Padfoot and I were running up and down what seemed to be the never-ending isles of the store. Damn it, where is the invisibility cloak when you need it, huh? Oh well. Now we were in the crafts isle, trying to dodge the ranting lunatic (the other one, after all Sirius is with me too) between the displays of fabric patterns, but it didn't seem to be working. We dodged him just long enough to find a good place to hide.

"Faculty only… keep out? Damn, it's locked," said Sirius. What a moron, that's why its faculty only! "Well Sirius, you don't suppose that faculty only would lock a door for a reason now do you?" Sheesh… But it would be a pretty good place to dodge Remy for the time being. I pulled out my wand and chanted "alohamora". The lock popped open, and we went inside. 

"Oh my god!" screamed both Sirius and I at the same time. There was a very good reason for that too. This place was huge; it was like another store in itself! There were shelves from floor to ceiling filled with… toys! All sorts of toys. Our enthrallment, however, was short lived. Sirius saw Remus coming towards the door and so competently pointed it out. 

We positioned ourselves in a perfect way so that we could se him, bur he couldn't see us. He seemed to be walking around; he was looking for us. What an idiot. He was practically ripping apart the fabric section looking for us. We saw him looking at the door in suspicion, so I pressed myself up against the door to see if he was saying anything.

"A door? Faculty, keep out. Yeah, great place to hide. But nobody with any sense at all would hide in a place so blatantly obvious… they must be in there." That so figures for his thinking. Sirius gave me a mock pouty look and said along with that look "I resent that!"  I laughed with him and then pressed my ear up to the door again to see if he discovered the lock.

"Damn it, its locked!" Well, that definitely answers my question. Sounds like he is gonna have a hell of a time with this one. "Never fear, for I have my handy dandy wand!" (a/n: what the hell is this Blues Clues) Er… "But what the hell was that spell? Sure enough, the one time I don't know a spell, I need it."

I thought that we were in the clear for a minute there, but I turned out to be wrong for the first time in my life. I can hear padfoot snorting at that comment but anyways… Several minutes later "Alohamora" came out of Remus's mouth. We weren't expecting it, so we had no time to hide, and he spotted us immediately. 

"You two are in so much trou… oh my god!" started Moony. He had obviously took a good look around the room and stopped in mid sentence. He was now gazing around the room. A perfect opportunity to back out of the situation. We were trying to get away from him, so we slowly backed up and we were gonna make an exit out the back door, but then we both bumped into something. It felt cold and clammy. Almost feels like… Snape and Malfoy. 

"Well, well, well… If it isn't dumb and dumber in the flesh," said Snape, who obviously hasn't changed over the summer. Malfoy added, "Look dumbest is over there with them too!" Sirius had to be the first one to make a comeback and said "That's odd, I could have sworn that was you guys.. but then again you would be too dumb to know." I have to admit it wasn't his best one yet, but it was, however, enough to get the to shut up.

"What the hell are you three doing at a muggle store anyways" spat Malfoy in extreme hatred. That was a rather stupid question to ask considering the fact that he was in the store as well. And lets see, was I gonna call him on it? Oh yeah! Sirius coughed something that sounded extremely similar to dumbass before I did anything. Why does he always have to be the one to do it first anyways?

"I should be asking you two that really. After all, you two are purebloods, so what would you want at Wal-Mart?" They froze in horror for a moment at the fact that if this got out at school, while Moony Padfoot and I reveled and basked in the fact that this is an ultimate torture tool and smiled rather malevolently whilst waiting for their responses.

"I will have you know that we have damn good excuses to be at Wal-Mart today!" said Malfoy in the most dignified tone he could. "Which is…?" inquired the three of us at the same time. Although we would be extremely interested in hearing what this is, I have a feeling that I know exactly what is coming.

"Our mums needed some, er, things, if you must know," replied Snape as he started to blush, which probably looked darker than it really is because of his pale white skin. Hey, I was right about it. Makes up for the first ever mistake I made earlier. I am sure that both Moony and Padfoot would be laughing now. We just nodded our heads to this, because it is actually a fair excuse considering it is why I am here, and it is probably why Remy is here today as well.

"Well, as long as we are all here today, we might as well make this interesting," said Malfoy; with an evil smirk on his face. The rest of us all looked puzzled, then Remus spoke up. "I never thought these three worlds would come out of my mouth in this order, but, Malfoy is right. We have the whole store at our disposal, lets use it."

"Well, what can we do?" I asked, and everyone except Sirius shrugged. This means that he has one of those "brilliant" ideas of his. He dragged us all around the back; he seemed to be looking for something. Then suddenly, he stopped. I am guessing he found what he was looking for. He pointed at what he thought we should do and had the biggest wicked smile on his face I have ever seen in my 16 years of life.

"Um, you can't be serious…" said Malfoy, who was looking a bit uncertain. Oh boy here it comes… "But I am always Sirius!"  Boy that was visible a mile away. We all groaned at his pathetic joke, then got back to telling him. "Honestly Sirius… you don't expect us to ride those…" They were tiny tricycles made for toddlers!

"I won't go on those little things, not until hell freezes over!" exclaimed Remus with a defiant look on his face. Sirius got smart yet again with a "Well, last time I check your bedroom was rather cold. Ah, you can be a referee, don't worry. Even numbers work well anyways in races because they make it fairer. Who's in?"

"I don't think it is such a good idea…" said the Slytherin duo in unison. They are obviously chicken, so I decided to use that to our advantage in this situation. "It is just like you cowardly Slytherins, to chicken out of something like this. If you are too scared to… we understand." I had obviously stuck gold, but Sirius finished it off with "Plus we happen to have a wonderful story about two Slytherin purebloods in Wal-Mart that the others would be just DYING to hear…"

"Ok, Ok!" said Malfoy. "I really do not believe that that's necessary. Let's just go and get this over with. Lupin, you can decide on the path we take. We need a few minutes to strategize for the race." That sounded like a good idea. We need a strategy. Padfoot may have been thinking, but it seemed that dear ol' Moony had a plan for us as well.

"Look, it winds up and down all the isles in here. At the end, there is a mattress, which serves as the finishing line. Now, as referee I will be standing at the end. Instead of heading towards the mattress, I want you both to turn right sharply. This will confuse them and take there attention away from the fact that I will levitate the mattress away from there, causing them to crash into a brick wall. Got it?" We both nodded in agreement as it was a pretty good plan.

We all gathered at the area we designated to be our starting line with some of the tricycles in stock. Remy also doubled as an announcer. "Now, I want a good clean race to the end. The first one there wins. Drivers, start your.. ah never mind. On your mark, get set, go!" he yelled as we began to pedal the bikes intended for kids 13 years younger than us. He took the shortcut to the finish line while we winded up and down the back isles.

Padfoot and I were both pedaling as hard as we could, so it didn't look like we had some sort of harebrained scheme cooked up. I being the speedy seeker, was pulling ahead. Malfoy, being their seeker wasn't far behind with Sirius. Snape was trailing by less than a foot. We all swayed back and forth between leads. All of a sudden, CRASH! "Oh, and it looks like Snape has hit a wall rounding the corner. He is out of the competition, leaving just three contestants left in the bicycle battle!" yelled Remus.

What they didn't notice was that Padfoot had jinxed his tricycle beforehand so that it would crash. Maybe he isn't such a dyke after all… That won't be the only crash, as we are nearing the finish line. It was time. Padfoot and I turned sharply right, causing a distraction to Malfoy.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"  said Moony, and the mattress shot up into the air. When Malfoy realized what we had done, it was too late. He crashed smack into the brick wall. We all cracked up as he started wailing like a three year old. It was very funny, but that wasn't the end of it for us.

There is this thing that the houses do to the other houses whenever we defeat them, and this is definitely defeat to Slytherin. We tied them up to chairs. We got some red and gold spray paint and began to dye their hair brilliant shades of red and gold, followed by the changing of the robes to our colors. We normally untie them, but today we just left them as we headed out into the main part of the store.

So what did you think? R/R. If you have any ideas for something to happen, I would love to hear them. As a note this is based off of the time my friends and me took carts and raced them up the isles. 


	3. Sirius and the Stud Sensor

Chapter 3: Sirius, the Stud Sensor

Rating: PG still

Disclaimer: I haven't done one of these, as I know that about 99.9% of you all know that the only thing that belongs to me is the plot and even that if shared with others. Wow, I pretty much said what I was going to just explaining why I haven't done a disclaimer, so I am gonna stop.

Summary/Notes: Thanks for reviewing y'all. I like having people who review more than once its better than random reviews. This is another one of those partly drawn from experiences at a store stories. My boyfriend and I were looking for some things when we saw an object called the Stud Sensor and decided to have fun with it… So I decided it would be pretty funny in my story. This chapter flows a little better as the idea came to me and I had ideas for it immediately. Please give me some ideas on how I could improve!!!

Sirius the homicidal manic – trust me it wasn't easy for them. It is really hard to do, but its possible, your knees stick way up in the air. Way to go by trying to relive your youth.

Badangel00013 – I hope I got this out quick enough; I wouldn't want to be responsible for any deaths ;)

Padfootprankster13 – Well, he pulled out of the race at the last second. He did however, technically tie with James. Malfoy crashed disqualifying him. Padfoot and prongs both pulled out, but neither of them finished so it would be a tie between the two. I am a Sirius fan though, so it could have easily been him in the lead when they turned…

Jay Kamiya – Well here's the thing. I did most of this chapter yesterday otherwise I would have probably done just that. There is a run in with Lily as well as Peter, but not in the make-up section. That is a brilliant idea actually, and it's still not too late for Narcissa… I may use that in another chapter and I will credit you for the idea. Screw up make-up, fun!

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We headed back out into the main section of the store in a salvo of laughter. It will take them quite a while to untie themselves when they are joined back to back in two chairs with a great deal of rope. I figured I better find my mum; she would most likely want to be heading home by now. I found her standing near the register talking to one of the cashiers. She was filling out some forms… can't be good.

"Hey James sweetie!" Sirius and Remus both had to turn around and cover their mouths so that they wouldn't laugh out loud. I gave my mum a nasty glance as she continued on, "I am afraid that you will be here a little longer than expected. You see, we could use a bit of money… and they have job offerings here…" Oh GOD! My mum as a cashier at Wal-Mart? 

"I know, so you need to apply, and you figure that you might as well do it now. So we will be here for a bit longer…" I finished, and looking back on it now it sounded as if I have heard that a million times. That is not where it ends for humiliation, "Remus's mum will also be applying because we thought it would be fun to get a job together. I need you guys to go away for a while." YES!

"Just try and stay out of trouble!" she called after us, but we acted as though we were invalids who could not hear her. We started wandering up and down the infinite isles of the store looking for something to do. We played a few jokes on the shelf stockers by moving the things they needed to get, but after a while we grew bored of it. We were bored until Sirius happened to come across an unusual object.

"Guys, get a load of this!" exclaimed Sirius, his eyes lighting up as if Christmas had come early. He held up an unusual square shaped object that none of us could decipher what it was. He was now jumping up and down, laughing at the object every time glimpsed at it. After about five minutes of watching Sirius's hysteric fits, he finally calmed down enough to explain what the damn thing was.

"This, my friends, is a stud finder! Ah the things muggles come up with. We could have loads of fun with this baby!" exclaimed Sirius. We were still not sure what it was, so I being the straightforward person that I am, came out and inquired, "What the hell does it do?  
 "Well, you don't have to be a muggle to figure out the use for it, because it is in the name. Stud Sensor! It obviously shows you how much of a stud you are. See the lights? Whenever it nears a stud, the light goes up to the top." Ah, the screwy things that those muggles invent. "I think that we should try it. First, James, test me!" He leaned up against the wall and stood with his arm out. This must be where I test.

"I'll be damned. You are a true stud me boy!" I really wasn't as shocked as I pretended to be, for Sirius always had the girls after him. Then, naturally, he insisted that I be tested for studliness. I took his place and he ran the thing up my arm. Sure enough, the green light shot up all the way to the top. I already have Lily though, so being a stud is pointless... but fun!

"Hullo there young Remus…" started the two of us as he apprehensively backed up away from it. "You know you want to." After his protests, he finally allowed us to try it on him. We stuck it on him arm, expecting to find the same thing, but the light didn't go up one bar, let alone all the way to the top. Remy isn't a stud! Hahaha! 

"That retarded muggle plaything has about as much use as something that is completely and utterly useless!" said Remus resentfully, obviously trying to cover up the fact that he is not a stud.  We started chanting, "Remy's not a stud… Remy's not a stud…" as he began to cover his ears and hum like he wasn't hearing anything. 

This was abruptly interrupted when we felt something slime shoot out at us with the speed of a snake. It wasn't cold and clammy like Snape and Malfoy. Before we knew it we were covered in this string crap that is known as "silly string". Once the shower of silly string had finally ended, we looked up to see who was sending the sticky stuff at us.

"Hullo boys…" said Lily in that ever so innocent way she says it. She is like a heavenly angel… but back to the story. "So, what are you guys doing here, this is a muggle store?" Unfortunately, she had every reason to be at this store, as she is muggle born. Poo, we couldn't shoot the same thing back at her. Might as well tell the truth.

"Our mums came here to get some er, things for their own personal use," I began to explain, and then Remus decided to finish the sentence for me. "Now, they have decided that it would be fun to apply for a job here, so they are up front trying to get hired." She looked at Sirius, and I once again picked up the conversation, "Oh, and Sirius was staying at my house last night, so I dragged him here today."

"Oh, I see, said Lily. So what havoc have you wreaked upon the innocent and unsuspecting patrons of this set store?"  Dammit all, she reads too much. What's with all of the adjectives anyways? We told her all about Remy and the lingerie, and then moved on to the tricycle excursion. We were just getting to the part about how we found the Stud Finder, when we heard someone familiar say hello.

"Hello guys, how's it going?" asked the man (or guy as Sirius wouldn't call him manly) known as Wormtail. "It's a shocker to see you, with the exception of Lily of course, at a muggle store. Would you care to enlighten me with your stories as to why you are here?" Sirius would say he was trying to use big words to make up for his lack of brains and tact.

So we all once again told him about how our mums were here to get some things, and how now they were applying for a job. He then told us about how he was in there to stock up on his muggle sweets, which really wasn't a surprise, him being as chubby as he is. At least it isn't an embarrassing reason though, so we didn't laugh.

"What were you guys talking about with Lily before?" asked Peter. We quickly informed him of what has happened to us on this geeky Wal-Mart escapade.  He laughed particularly heartily at the points where Malfoy crashed into the wall and the part where we tied them up and gave them a new image. We finally got to the most recent of events.

"You see, we found this great invention known as a stud finder! It tells you whether or not someone is a stud based on these lights," explained Sirius, then I began to help him. "Yeah, me and Siri are full blown studs!" Remus and Peter both cracked up at the way I said that. "Remus, however, is a negative 11 on a scale of one to ten…" He elbowed me as Lily began to crack up.

"Stud Sensor? Would you guys mind if I had a look at it?" asked Lily. Sirius handed her the thing, and she looked at it closely for a few minutes. She held the thing out in her hand, and pressed it against the wall. She looked at us for a few minutes as though we were crazy. She whispered for Wormtail to come here, and they were both rolling on the floor with laughter.

"What, dare I ask, is so funny?" asked the clueless Remus. We had no idea what was so funny but yet they insisted on laughing at us. When we gave them stern looks, they finally calmed down and told us why they were laughing at the stud finder. The reason actually turned out to be rather funny… 

"A stud sensor. It does indeed detect studs…" began Lily, still trying to control her laughter. " But you see, this is a muggle machine made to be used at home, to detect studs in the _walls_. The reason it probably went off on you two is because you were near walls, and Remus wasn't." She just barely got this all out before she began to laugh again.

We all thought about it, and chuckled heartily before heading into the next isle.

R/R! I need constructive criticism as this is my first humor story.


	4. Karaoke Kraziness

Chapter 4: The Karaoke Machine

Notes/Summary. Thank you to all of those that reviewed. This chapter is about Snape and Malfoy breaking free. They happen to stumble across the karaoke machines in the store, and decide to have a bit of fun with them… This time it is Lily who had the brilliant idea to embarrass the lot. I hope you enjoy this one, and I am sorry for the extensive wait, I was grounded for a few days. Was at Wal-Mart with my mom. The people kept giving me looks and my mom couldn't figure out why…  Peace!

Callie Anne - Yes, thank you. I do believe that they can be rather stupid at times.

HArRy-PoTtEr-FaNiTiC – I am glad you think that it was funny. The stud finder is kind of one of those weird things that you get a kick out of when you hear.

Luvs2party – Thanx. I know some people that are like them as well. 

Jay Kamiya – Lol, well I am following that suggestion. I had plans to leave them tied up, and then inspiration struck that required them to be unleashed.

Badangel00013 – Good thing, I got here just in time. I like crazy people so it doesn't really matter. (Hey, I am one myself)

Icy Flame – Thanks! I like these reviews, they make me feel like my writing is actually worth something.

Hpfreak2001 – I thought it was a little unusual of a twist, but it was the assumption I made the first time I saw one of them. O yeah, and I saw your favorites list… a lot of those stories were on mine too.

Tekki – Lol, I know a lot of people like that.

Wolfqueen821 – Lol. Sorry that I made Moony clueless in some aspects, but every character has their faults. As for Sirius, he is crazy, but you gotta love him!

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After we got over the little stud sensor episode, we headed into the next isle. It was the electronics department. Lily had an extreme case of the giggles, and I figured that it was probably her imagination going wild with the thought of what Sirius would misconstrue objects here to be. Surprisingly, he knew what the majority of the things were, and looked extremely joyous when he came across a particular one.

"Karaoke Machine? Um no Siri, not this time…" said the voice of Remus. He and Lily always seem to take away the fun. "But come on, this is the best muggle invention of all time!!!" said Sirius. "Yeah and you actually know what it is, like the stud sensor…" retorted Lily. We were too busy taking sides on this fight to notice who had crept up behind us.

"Boo!" yelled Snape and Malfoy loudly in our ears. Peter screamed, and Lily accidentally jumped up on top of me. Hey, her shampoo smells nice… back to the story. "So, you finally managed to untangle yourselves from the never ending abyss of rope you were caught in eh?" did I just say that? Must stop hanging out with those two…

"Yeah, and when my dad hears about this you too are _so _dead meat…" that is typical Malfoy for ya, whenever there is a problem, he gets his dad to solve it for him. "But never mind that now, we both believe that that was unfair to pull the mattress up on us. We are requesting some sort of rematch, right here and right now!" demanded Snape. Wow this is easy, we get the Slytherins to whoop themselves.  Ah the joys of life…

"Great, I'll go get the bikes again!" chanted Sirius with glee. "NO!!" yelled the four of us who had been there before. Those things are way too hard to pedal, and besides I think I have an idea… "Ok, fine, lets have a rematch. We don't have to use bikes or anything to kick your asses. In fact, lets make it non-physical. Any ideas?" that was addressed to Sirius, as I knew exactly what he would want to do.

"How about a Karaoke contest?" suggested Sirius. I was right on the money this time. Remus, Peter, and Lily all reluctantly yet quickly agreed, as they knew that neither of the two boys knew jack diddly about singing. Snape and Malfoy groaned, yet they also agreed to the contest, because they knew what would happen if they didn't *coughblabtoschoolcough*

"If we must…" groaned Malfoy. "But since you guys have five, and we only have two, we insist on leveling out the playing field a bit," added Snape. We thought that meant taking some of our team and putting them on theirs. Apparently they wouldn't take Gryffindors if we were the last people on earth, as we realized when they did a loud whistle.

At that sound, Crabbe and Goyle came trudging into the isle. The sight of them made us all burst into a salvo of laughter. They seemed to have missed the fact that those two can barely string two words together, let alone sing pop songs. We soon stopped laughing when the two clenched their fists into balls and held them up to our faces. We didn't even bother to ask why they were at Wal-Mart, as we already knew the answer. (Uhhh….) 

"We need unbiased judges here, otherwise there will be no way to tell who won," stated the ever logical Lily. At that, Crabbe and Goyle treaded out of the isles, and about a minute later came back carrying who we recognized as two Hufflepuffs by the backs of their shirts. They threw them to the ground, and we explained what was going on.

Peter wasn't participating because we needed even teams, and there was an extra one of us. Not to mention the fact that he has the world's lousiest singing voice. We levitated the things to a corner of the store, where no one would hear us singing. He started the announcements as if we were in some sort of fancy nightclub or something.

"Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to the first annual Karaoke Klash! Tonight we will feature some of the best singers in the Wizarding World. Our combatants are the Gryffindors, and the Slytherins. We will open up tonight's act with Crabbe and Goyle singing Lollipop?" He said that with a bit of uncertainty in his voice.

"Lollipop, lollipop oh lolly lollipop…" the two morons rambled on. It was a bloody miracle that they had lollipop in there rather unextensive vocabulary. Although judging by there size, it would be surprising if they didn't know what a lollipop was… They knew all of the words, it is a shame that they sound like dying animals. They were trying to sing in high falsettos… and it wasn't working for them.

At the end of the song, the other two Slytherins cheered loudly; as if it was the best thing they heard in their lives. Four of us were applauding politely, giving them credit for knowing words other than uh and er. Lily, however, seemed to be highly intrigued with the phone on the post in the corner of the room. Sirius and I shrugged. Remus went over to see, and he came back laughing. What could be going on?

Our judges held up a 4 and a 6. They scowled. "Thank you, thank you. That all made us really hungry!" Man oh man; Wormtail there really needs to work on his stand up act. "For our next act, we will be having our very own James and Sirius singing a Beatles favorite. I wanna hold your hand." Him as well as the remaining two on our side applauded loudly. The Slytherin lot just yawned and rolled their eyes.

We sang… oh did we sing. Sirius is actually a good singer. I really don't know where that comes from, so it kinda surprises me.  Then again, its not like I have actually heard him sing before, so I really couldn't say that he is bad… I don't exactly suck either, but Padfoot really stole the show. Lily was staring right at him the whole time, or at least until I glared a warning look at her. She is only supposed to look at me! 

The Hufflepuff judges held up and 8 and a 9, and our team cheered. It continued on like this for a while, singing a variety of different songs. The best one in my opinion was when Lily sang "Sandra D" from Grease; she has a pretty good voice. Finally, it came time for the infamous Slytherin duo to do their song. They happened to choose "Shining Star" by Earth Wind and Fire. (a/n: hey, this IS the 70s here…) Once Peter announced that to us, Lily and Remus sprang into action.

As they started singing, they ran over to the phone, and started pressing buttons. We weren't sure what the hell they were doing. That is, not until we heard the song blaring throughout the whole store. Lily had put the song over the intercom!!! Talk about priceless. The best part of it all was that the two singing morons didn't notice. 

Lets correct that, they didn't notice until the song was over, and they looked up. People had found out where the music was coming from, and there was a huge crowd over by them. They couldn't sing, and everyone was hissing and yelling at them. Some people clapped sarcastically. The two boys turned beat red and skulked off of the stage muttering swear words under their breath.

 Our rather large group gave each other high fives And continued on to the next section of the store.

Well, sorry if the end sucked, I didn't wanna keep people waiting anymore. Please R/R! If people didn't read and review, I wouldn't have any point of putting the story up. Constructive criticism is appreciated too!


	5. Food Fun

Chapter 5: Food Fun

A/N: Man oh man has it been a long time.  I almost completely forgot about the story until I got reviews saying that I should continue the story. I happen to be up at 12 am on a mad sugar rush so I figured what the heck. The plot may be a little messed up as it has been so long I don't remember every little detail. Sorry I am not going to answer reviews this time because there has been a lot of them, but thanks to everyone who reviewed and criticized, because that really helps me improve as a writer. Thank you everyone, especially the people who gave me the idea of this, you know who you are…  Now on with the story. PS If a little mild language bothers you don't read this.

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"What the hell is taking them so long to apply for the job?" I thought to myself as the rather large group of us strolled into the grocery section of the super Wal-Mart. "Ah well it shouldn't take too mu…" Remus yelling at Sirius then disrupted my train of thought. (No surprise there)

"Sirius you imbecile put those tomatoes down!!" yelled Remus in infuriation. Sirius just stuck his tongue out and began to juggle the tomatoes, starting with 2 and adding more as time went on. He was pretty good actually, and before we knew it there was a crowd of people watching Sirius juggle the tomatoes. When he finished everyone clapped and then resumed their regular shopping.

"You can't just pick up those tomatoes like that and then put them back!" stated Lily, "You've already touched them, so you have to buy them because no one wants food that someone has already gotten there greasy hands on, its just gross!!"

"Yeah, especially _your_ greasy hands," I added, "Who knows where they have been. I know you don't wash your hands in the bathroom.." Sirius then gave me a malignant glare and everyone started laughing, even Malfoy and company. Sirius turned a lovely shade of crimson.

"I'm not the one who stands in the mirror all day looking at my ass asking Remus if it's too big," he retorted, "That's usually a girl's thing. Actually that probably explains why you do it…" He then stuck his tongue out at me and did a poor imitation of me looking at myself in a nearby mirror.

"Hey at least I have a girlfriend!!"  I said indignantly, "And I'm not the one who spends forever doing my hair and shit like some sort of gay freakazoid. Ooooh look at me my name is Sirius and I date other guys like Malfoy because they are so dead sexy" I then batted my eyelashes just for good measure. 

"You guys, stop fighting!!!" said Wormtail, trying to break up the pandemonium in progress, "You really need to just calm down and.." SPLAT. Sirius chucked a miniature tomato at me, which landed smack dab in the middle of my forehead.

"Sirius that was uncalled for!" said Remus in a cross tone. SPLAT. I threw a tomato at him because; well because I felt like it. Remus then grabbed a plum and chucked it at me. I ducked just in time and it hit Malfoy in the face, giving him a rather large blue and purple bump.

"Why you little…" began Malfoy only he was too furious to say anything. He turned as red as the red onion that he aimed for Remus, but accidentally hit Lily, bursting open as it hit her. The onion showered her with layers of chunks, not to mention leaving an unforgettably nasty odor.

"That does it!!" yelled Lily. She ran off for a minute. We all started to think that maybe she went to go call security on us or something. That is, until she came back with a bag of popcorn. "It's payback time" she said and began chucking popcorn at everyone and everything in sight.

"FOOD FIGHT!!" shouted everyone in unison and we all began to chuck food at one another. We threw fruit and veggies at each other. We opened up bags of chips and popcorn and threw that. Caned beans were splattered everywhere. Then we hit the soda bottles, and began to shake them up and spray them all over each other. It was like a classic lunchroom scene, only at a Wal-Mart. 

"Hey you guys I have an idea!" said Sirius with a mischievous look on his face. Everyone groaned, but we turned out to like his little idea. He dumped a bunch of water jugs out all over the floor, and then began to slide on it. Before long everyone was sliding along the water. We set up cans and made it an obstacle course. 

Just as we started to form the limbo line, we ran into trouble. The manager of the store walked into the food section, to see that there was no food on the shelves. Then he looked down and around. It was all on the floor. His eyes then shifted to the group of us, and he made those tomatoes seem like a light pink…

"What the fuck are you guys doing????" asked the manager in rage, "My beautiful store, its ruined! What the hell were you thinking?" Sirius was about to open his mouth, but Moony covered it just in time. "Do you guys have any idea how much money in food you wasted?" We all shook our heads in shame. "I am going to figure out a punishment for this insubordinance, don't you worry. In the mean time, clean up this damn mess."

He handed us all a mop and a bucket. It took quite a long time to clean up the mess. Even though there were a lot of us, it was quite a task. When we were all done, he hadn't come back yet, so we started to talk.

"Great job Sirius you dipshit," said Malfoy. "If you didn't start by juggling the tomatoes, this never would have happened." Even I had to agree with him, this had been Sirius's fault. Along with many of the other excursions that we went on actually. Damn him. 

"I'm sorry you guys," apologized Padfoot. He tried to give us the innocent puppy dog smile, but it doesn't exactly work on people our age. Remus dumped the bucket of water on his head causing him to have a mix of black and white soapy hair.

By the time that was over with, the manager had returned. He had this vindictive look on his face, which told us that this couldn't be good. It was a smile, but not a normal smile, one of those evil get ready to meet your doom smiles. I looked at Remus who just gulped. Uh oh…

"Nice job cleaning up the mess kids," he said in a that's not enough tone. "However I still need to punish you for this. Since you rascals like making messes so much, you must enjoy cleaning them too. You are all going to work here for a week. Maybe then you will see why things like this are unacceptable behavior."

"Honey, it's time to go!" called out my mom. "I got the job here as a cashier. Let's just check out and go ok?" I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Um mom… I think I will be coming with you to work for a while…"

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So, what did you think? Please review and give me suggestions for next time. I will definitely try to give you all comments but it was just to hard this time. Any suggestions for future adventures are also welcome.


	6. Snapee Wapee

Chapter 6: Snapee Wapee A/N: I sware I had every intention of updating this story a lot sooner, and I am sorry that I kept you waiting. We have been having a lot of computer problems though and every time I tried to type it the computer would freeze up on me. It's actually still not working well as I am typing this in WordPad. I appreciate everyone's reviews! It's a lot more than I expected to get off of this little story. I liked everyone's suggestions, and if I find a place to fit one of them in I will be sure to do so. I would also like to appologize for the many plot holes, and if I get a chance I will go back and fix them. Enjoy.  
  
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"What???!!" inquired my mum in a half pissed half confused tone. I hate it when she uses that voice, because I know there is no chance of ever getting away with telling less than the truth. I sighed and got into the story of how we got into a food fight. The way I told it, almost anyone would have a hard time keeping a straight face, but apparantly she was the exception. She was not at all amused.  
  
"James Potter!" she bellowed, "How could you do something like that? It isn't only very immature and childish but it's also wasteful and dangerous. You could poke someone's eye out." She then stomped away furiosly. God.. she just had to use that excuse. As if chucking a few tomatoes and a plum or two will really poke someones eye out. We would have used pencils for that. Malfoy and Snape would have loved that....hey wait a second!  
  
"Um, Moony," I asked nervously, "Where the hell was Snape during this whole thing?" He thought about it for a minute, and then just shrugged his shoulders. It apparantly was a good question, because everyone was looking around wondering where he was. Then he appeared out of the corner of an isle with an extremely smug look upon his face.  
  
"I was talking to my mum. She asked me if I uh, needed anything" he said in a slightly nervous tone, which quickly changed over. "So I heard you dipshits managed to get yourselfs in a bit of hot water, yeah? Working here for a week now. Why you wanted to start a food fight at a Wal-Mart is beyond me anyways." We all glared at Sirus who gave us a sheepish grin and turned away. "Sod off Snape," said Sirius indignantly, "Or need I remind you of the stupid mistakes you have made, particularly with people?" Snape just stood there looking bewildered, so he proceeded. "What Snape, you don't remember the whole escapade with Saaanddddyyyyyy???"  
  
Snape turned the brightest shade of crimson I have ever seen in my entire life. It made the manager look tame compared to what his face portrayed. Everyone burst into laughter, including Malfoy. Sirius then went into the details of how this one girl Sandy played him for a fool and asked him out. Oh, of course he said yes, because he had never had a girl interested in him in his whole life. Sandy then played a classical prank on him, the old bucket of water over the door of the restaraunt gag. He totally humiliated himself.  
  
"STOP IT!!!" yelled Snape so loud that half of the store stopped what they were doing for a second. "You infradels! All of you shall pay for humilating me. I can't believe you would be so stupid to try and do this to me to begin with, seeing as I don't have to work and I could make your week a living hell if I so chose. But no, I think I will take the instant gratification instead."  
  
He then murmured a spell that none of us could make out, and nothing happened. We then continued to laugh even harder at her, er him. But then all of a sudden a wide assortment of colorful makeup came floating at us. We all stopped laughing and stared at the growing assortment of blush, eyeshadow, facepaint, and every sort of makeup brush known to mankind. Before we knew it, we were being attacked.  
  
I lost my sight temporarily due to all the facepaint covering my glasses. I wiped them off to reveal the freakshow that was our group. We were all pointing at eachother and laughing histerially. I made a beline for the nearest mirror, only to reveal myself absolutely caked with makeup. My whoe face was covered in white, with bright red put around my eyes, lips, and cheeks. And to top it all off, somehow a rainbow clown wig landed atop my head.  
  
A group of the popular Ravenclaw guys and girls walked past us. They were pointing and laughing just as we were, except it was way more embarassing. Those were some fine as girls, damn. And I am sure that Lily felt the same way with thouse guys looking at her. The amount of crap we had on our face made Snape look like some sort of supermodel or something, christ!  
  
Snape looked very pleased with himself. "You better have learned your lesson about making fun of me. It will just end up back on you.." he kept droaning on for what seemed like eternity about how we should respect him because he was so awesome. Sirius made a few snores which only made him go on longer. Sometime in the middle of the "I definitely came off on top of this one" part he got interupted by some lady resembling him, his mother.  
  
"Oh Snapee Wapee!" called his mother in a babytalk tone "I hope you have been playing nicely with your little friends. I see you all have been laughing. I just hope you haven't been laughing too hard, or you might have wet yourself! Speaking of which, it's time to go. But before we leave we have to pick up some Depends, you are almost out dear. Now say goodbye, I am sure you will see them again soon enough."  
  
"Yeah Snapee Wapee, we will definitely be seeing you soon," said Sirius, and we all started chuckling. "Don't forget those Depends though, we wouldn't want to have any accidents now would we?" He mouthed a variety of cusses at us and then flicked us off as he headed out the door. It took us a while to calm down and clean up the mess before we got into even more trouble. "Come on you guys," said Lily, "I think we have definitely had our day's worth of work. Let's get out of here." She paused for a moment and then said "Oh shit! My purse! I lost it somewhere in the store, we have to find it." We all groaned and then started walking into the nearby isle in search of the missing item.  
  
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What do you think? Where will the purse end up, and what rediculous things will they have to go through in order to get it? R/R and tune into the next chapter to find out. 


	7. Authors Note, Bare with me!

Chapter 7: Authors Note

Oh my gosh, it's been over a year since I wrote! AHHH. I almost completely forgot about the story. I promise I have more coming eventually. I actually remembered the story in December… but I've had some writers block since then. Today is my birthday, and I went to Wal-Mart actually to pick up some stuff with my mom… I saw some things that gave me some ideas. If you have any suggestions for future chapters, or have noticed any plot holes I forgot to fill up, let me know! Thanks for being patient.


	8. Fishing, Anyone?

Chapter 7: Fishing Anyone?

Summary/AN: It's been a while… but I'm back, hopefully I will be more consistent with my chapters from now on. To make a short story er, shorter, they have to get Lily's purse back somehow… and you know maybe Remus will finally get his revenge from way back…

As Mooney, Padfoot, Lily and I began our quest for the missing purse, the others went a different way. They most likely went home, I mean you can't live in Wal-Mart. Well perhaps you can, and at the rate we were going, it seemed as though that just may be our destiny. We surveyed each isle carefully, but there was no purse to be found.

"What exactly did this purse look like?" I so astutely inquired, earning me another oh so familiar kick in the shins. "Hey, what was that for? Geez… sue me for wanting to know what the object that we have been trying to find for the last hour looks like…"

"Stupid git, you should have asked me that before!" yelled Lily. She always had a way of making me feel inferior… "How can you not know what my purse looks like, I carry it with me every day?" She sighed and began describing it. "It's kind of a small purse, more of a handbag really. It's black with a silver crystal buckle. It looks kind of like… that!"

Lily pointed down the walkway between the isles and the cash registers, and there it was her purse.

"Alright then, good job guys!" said Remus. There was something suspicious about his tone of voice, but I couldn't place exactly what it was yet. "A job well done… you guys go get that, I'll meet you outside… I want to go take care of some… things…" He darted down the isle. We just shrugged.

"Hmm… maybe Remy felt the need to go satisfy his lingerie fetish again…" remarked Sirius. I still had the pictures from his bra modeling experience, and I made a mental note to go get those developed…

Just then, the manager rounded the corner towards us. We ran deeper into an isle. You see, we weren't exactly supposed to be randomly hanging around anymore, with the trouble that we had gotten into recently. We observed him carefully, and I had to restrain Lily from ambushing him after what we saw.

He nearly tripped over the purse before noticing it was there. "What's this?" he asked to nobody in particular, as he picked up Lily's bag. He opened it up and examined the contents. "Makeup… brush… more makeup… ooh 75 dollars… I reckon this is a keeper…" He held on to the purse and continued on his way.

"THAT THEIF!" roared Lily once he was out of earshot. "That good for nothing, grease ball, jerk! What an arse…He didn't even put it in the Lost and Found. I need that money. James, you must do something!"

"Yes… James, you must do something," mocked Sirius in a girly voice. We both shot him malevolent glances. I had to think fast. That manager is too greedy to just give the purse back. I knew I needed something to lure that purse back without actually touching the manager… lure. That's it!

"Accio fishing pole!" I yelled, and a Fishmaster 900 came my way. Lily was giving me her famous what the hell look. "I'm gonna try to reel that purse out from underneath his hands… hurry guys we have to get close enough to him so I can get a good shot. I need to get high enough above him that it will be easy to do. Crap…"

"Accio ladder!" yelled Lily, and a 10-foot ladder came floating towards us, hitting Sirius and causing him to knock over a display of cans. He got up quickly and carried the ladder. We caught up to the manager, who was looking at, oddly enough, high heels in the shoes section.

"Hmm these red ones are pretty, " he murmured and began rummaging around for a size. I didn't even want to know if they were for him or his wife. Sirius placed the ladder up against the outermost isle of shoes, and I climbed up.

From the top of the ladder, I could see a perfect view of what he was doing. He had parted from the high heels and was trying on a pair of athletic shoes. When he put the purse on the floor to go look at one of the floor mirrors, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity. I gestured for Lily and Sirius to be quiet, as I slowly reeled down the fishing line. Luckily, he set the purse upright, so I was able to get the hook into the handle.

Not so luckily, I was a bit too hasty on my reel in, and I knocked over some of the shoes on the shelf. I quickly pulled the line up, just before he could notice it was there. We made a run for it, and we could hear the manager wondering where the purse went…

We ran into the back room. Panting, Sirius said, "You know, I think he has some sort of cross dressing thing. He was looking for heels to match the purse!"

Just then, Remus appeared. "Hey guys… I was looking all over for you!" he sounded so convincing too. "Just went to go get some chocolate… you know me…" his voice sounded sketchy, but I let it slide. "You guys look like you just ran a marathon. It's a lucky thing for you that there happens to be water bottles back here…"

Mooney walked away for about 2 minutes, and returned with rather large bottles of water. It was very refreshing to my pallet, until I noticed something unusual. Remus wasn't drinking anything.

"Oh er, I already had my fill of it, don't you worry," replied Remy. I thought nothing more of it until about 5 minutes later, when I started to hiccup, and burp. Sirius and Lily were laughing hysterically at me. Well, Sirius was… until he started to fart. Before I knew it, I was farting right up there with the best of them as well.

"Remus what the hell did you DO to that water?" I squeaked. Apparently the water had some effects on my voice too. Lily was scarlet red, almost rolling on the floor with laughter. As if that wasn't enough, I began to shrink. Though I grew smaller, my clothes did not. I was standing there stark naked.

Sirius stopped making bodily noises in a matter of minutes, but my problems didn't end so soon. In about 10 minutes, my height was approximately a foot tall. "What in the bloody hell… Remus FIX IT NOW!" I attempted to yell, but it sounded more like a mouse squeaking.

"Um guys…" started Remus sheepishly… "I don't know how…"

What will happen next? Tune in to find out... Constructive criticism is welcome.


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